Secrets, Surprises and Hair Straighteners
by SilverTongueabc
Summary: Merry wakes up and finds Legolas doing something really crazy...will all Middle Earth's deepest, darkest secrets be revealed? Find out...Please R&R, but no flams.


**Ok guys, this is my second fic, so please be nice! **

**This one came into my mind when me and my sister where in a giggly mood, ya know when everything is really funny, and she said to me "Hey! You should really write that a****s a fan fic!" So I did. Enjoy.**

Merry awoke on the morning that would change Middle Earth as they knew it, to a strange sound that he had never heard before, in any of the weird and wonderful places the fellowship had been to. It sounded like Gimli snoring at first, but it was more consistent, steadier; it didn't go up or down. It was a continuous low buzz, coming from his right.

Merry pushed himself up on his elbow and looked to see if there was anything there. He couldn't see it, whatever it was, but it was coming from behind the log that Legolas and Sam had been sitting on the night before. Cautiously, he rolled over and crept past Aragorn and Pippin till he reached the log. He crouched behind it, breathing as quietly as he could. He glanced over the log and saw something moving on the other side. Shocked, he ducked down, wondering whether he should wake Aragorn, but decided to look again. He sat up, quietly peeped over and then sat staring.

_NO WAY_! He thought.

There, about three meters away from the camp, with his back to Merry, was Legolas. And he was straightening his hair.

Merry sat for a few minuets, his mouth hanging open and his eyes staring. Then he recovered himself.

"Um, Legolas, what are you _doing_?"

Legolas jumped at least two feet in the air, dropped the straighteners and spun round.

"W-what?" He stammered, his face turning amarvellous beetroot.

"You know what, doofus." Merry replied, rolling his eyes.

"Oh-oh, you mean, um, what do you mean?" He said, his voice rising an octave.

"What's going on?" Frodo called, coming over and sitting down next Merry. "You've just woken me and Gandalf up and…" His voice trailed away and his eyes went form Legolas to the straightners, from the straightners to Legolas, from the Legolas to the straightners and then to Merry. Then he laughed. Merry then too saw the funny side of it and they both collapsed in hysterics.

By this time most of the fellowship was awake.

"What's all the noise for?" Pippin grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "I was having a lovely dream about-"

"-**WHAT**?" Exploded Boromir, in a terrible voice so loud that all the little birds that were in the trees next to the camp fell of their branches and died. "Are those **HAIR STRAIGHTNERS**?" As he yelled a little bit of spit came out of his mouth and hit Merry, knocking him over.

"Hey!" shrieked Pippin. "You knocked him over, with spit!"

Then everyone started talking at once. Needless to say, the whole fellowship was awake now.

"Order! Order!" Gandalf yelled above the noise, his bushy eye-brows scowling like mad. "Everyone settle down, PLEASE! Pippin, stop jumping on Boromir, yes, now! Legolas, come back here! OW! Gimli that was my foot! Yes I know you're sorry, you jolly well should be-ARAGORN! Put that down now, you could really hurt someone! Right, is everyone present? Please stop whining about your finger Sam; it's really putting me off. Yes, I quite agree with you Merry. Right ho, let The Fellowship Council begin."

He cleared his throat loudly. "Council Elders, who speaks first?"

"Frodo did it last time." Aragorn said glaring at the young hobbit. Frodo sat up, an outraged expression on his face. "Hey that's TOTALLY unfair! It was just because-"

"-I still don't see why Frodo should be a counsel elder," Legolas interrupted, scowling. "It's just because he's got that thing round his neck."

"He didn't ask to have it!" Sam said defensively, still sucking his finger.

"Well, duh." muttered Boromir.

"Silence!" yelled Gandalf, banging his stick on the ground. "You voted Frodo and Aragorn to be the elders, so stop complaining."

"Whatever." grunted Gimli, who had voted for himself, and had thus been disqualified.

"Gimli!" Gandalf warned. "Well, I think Aragorn should speak."

"Thank you." The ranger smirked at Frodo, and then began. "Pippin, you can be scribe."

"Oh joy." He muttered, but got the pen and paper anyway.

"Well, we must talk about Legolas first."

"Not much to talk about." Whispered Merry to Sam, then Aragon gave him the 'older-cooler-smarter' look and he shut up.

"Legolas, how long have you kept this secret?"

Legolas licked his lips nervously. "Well, I've been using them-"

"-HA!" Yelled Boromir, jabbing his finger at him in relish. "He doesn't deny it!"

"Um, no one said he was." Merry pointed out, giving Boromir the 'that-was-really-random' look.

"_Anyway_," Aragorn said, through gritted teeth. "Legolas, would please continue."

"I've used them since I was about, well it was a long time ago now, you know about thousand years, or more, so I can't really remember."

"You mean, like, lots of elves use them?" Frodo asked, his head tilted to one side.

"Well, you didn't really think it was _natural_ did you?" Legolas said, looking round at them all, his eyes wide.

"I thought as much." Sighed Gandalf, shaking his head sadly.

"Oh come off it!" Merry said, frowning in sudden suspicion. "I bet you didn't! I bet you wizards don't know anything that's going to happen; you just say that to make you look wise!"

"Come, come, my young hobbit!" Said Gandalf, but beneath his bushy eye brows he looked flustered. "Don't say such things about, um, what you don't understand."

Legolas looked round at them all darkly. His eyes fixed on Gimli. "I don't know why you're all pointing the finger! What about your secret Gimli, hey? Tell them what the dwarves have been doing all this time!"

Gimli shifted uncomfortably on the log he was sitting on, looking at his boots. "Well, um, you see… it's not really like that you know…"

"Oh yes it is!" Legolas said, his eyes alight. "Tell them where you get your armour!"

"They make it, don't they?" Sam asked, looking at him in alarm.

"Do they?" Legolas whispered, raising his eyebrows a notch.

They all looked at Gimli. Gimli looked at his feet again, and his feet looked at the grass, and the grass looked and the mud beneath it and so on and so forth.

"We buy them of ." He muttered, not looking at any of them.

"No way!" Frodo whispered, his mouth hanging open. Gandalf didn't brother saying, "I thought as much."

"This is getting silly!" Boromir said, throwing down the blade of grass he had been fiddling with and stamping on it. "I don't get it!"

"What don't you get?" Aragorn asked.

(Pippin's pencil was smoking)

"All this!" He said, waving his hand around. "All these secrets and everything! I mean, for all we know we could be hear just to, oh I don't know, advertise Aragorn's boots-"

Here Aragorn glanced down them, then looked up and smirked at the others.

"-And the Shire as a holiday resort!"

They all turned angrily to Gandalf, as though it might all be his fault, witch it probably was.

Gandalf coughed, turning slightly green. "Um, well about that…"

The End.

**Rightly ho, was it good? Was it rubbish? Did you love it? Did you hate it? Do you think it could make the best seller list?**

**THEN LET ME KNOW! REVIEW NOW OR FO****REVER WISH YOU HAD! :D **


End file.
